Silly cat

So I'm sitting in bed, reading The Omnivore's Dilemma and eating a purple sludge made of milk and frozen berries (strawberries, blueberries, a few raspberries and blackberries), and Molly sees that I am holding a dish and a spoon. Her mental computation: dish + spoon = TREAT!!!

So she marches up, sits on my book, and meows cutely up at me. Thereby keeping me from reading.

She is saved by 1) her cuteness, and 2) the fact that I am on the chapter about "The Ethics of Eating Animals."

I should note that when I finished the purple sludge and set the bowl down, she was unimpressed by the purple sludge residue. I, on the other hand, thought the purple sludge was quite good.

A letter from Satan

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

(from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune)

To help contribute to Haiti relief: clicky here

Pat Robertson at the pearly gates...

Taken from LJ’s metaquotes community:

Pat: My LORD, I am HERE to reCEIVE my just REWARD!

God: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

Pat: Why, my Lord, I am Pat Robertson! I tirelessly did your work and preached your word all my life! I’m your Number One Fan!

God: NO, SORRY, NOT RINGING ANY BELLS. MAYBE WE MET DOING TSUNAMI RELIEF IN 2004?

Pat: No, my Lord, I know that’s a trick question. You sent that wave to punish the heathens and their immorality!

God: I DID? HUH. DID WE MEET DOING AID WORK AFTER HURRICANE KATRINA?

Pat: Why, no, God, I couldn’t help those people! That hurricane was a judgment on the wicked!

God: MAYBE I SAW YOUR NAME ON THE RED CROSS DONATIONS LIST FOR HAITI?

Pat: But they made a pact with the DEVIL!

God: YOU KNOW, PAT, ALL THE PEOPLE TOO EVIL FOR YOU TO HELP WERE BROWN-SKINNED. ISN’T THAT A FUNNY COINCIDENCE?

Pat: That’s not true! I also condemned the gays and pointed out that AIDS was your plague on their child-molesting ways.

God: …

Pat: beams So you SEE, I have COME to take my rightful PLACE at your right HAND!

God: ABOUT THAT…YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY COME IN.

Pat: What? You mean you want me to take Saint Peter’s place, deciding who comes in and who stays out? I can do that! I have a very clear understanding on the sort of riff raff we shouldn’t let in! You can trust me not to let the sinners in, Lord!

God: WELL, NO, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SORT OF RIFF RAFF WE DON’T LET IN. REMEMBER ALL THAT HATE, ALL THAT JUDGMENT YOU PREACHED?

Pat: Absolutely! It came straight from the Bible.

God: YOU KEEP USING THAT BOOK. I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

Pat: You quote “The Princess Bride”?

God: I WROTE “THE PRINCESS BRIDE”.

Pat: I think I’m starting to understand.

God: LITTLE TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW. YOU’RE HEADED DOWNSTAIRS. OH, AND TELL FALWELL TO STOP STALKING ME ON FACEBOOK. IT’S CREEPY AND I’M NOT GOING TO FRIEND HIM BACK.


(Oh... and for Haiti relief... here's a linky to the United Church of Christ One Great Hour of Sharing Haiti relief page...)

January, again

For some reason the late sunrises aren't bothering me this year like they usually do. Usually around this time I'm stalking the paper to see when sunrise actually starts getting a nanosecond earlier. (the latest sunrise is actually like January 11, not December 21. Go figure.)

I got back on track with eating right, although I still have yet to go to Weight Watchers and weigh in properly. Rascal has a vet appointment Saturday morning so I might run by WW after his appointment... or I might wait until next week and miss the New Year's rush... I do know about what I weigh thanks to Wii Fit. And I've got about 25 pounds to get rid of. le sigh

Also got back to the gym. I want to get semi-serious about swimming and want to actually complete the 0 to 1650 program. There's now a preamble - 0 to 700, so I'm using that to work up to the 0 to 1650 (which is actually 700 to 1650).

I also just joined two Solosez weight loss support groups, both of which were formed today... one on Google Groups and the other on Sparkpeople.

I feel so much better when I eat right and exercise regularly. I have more energy, my moods are better, etc. I don't know why I got so far off track with both eating and exercising.